Fiction

Gwen Surman

Jan 6, 2020, 5:26 PM

Hi Greg. I’d like to get together

 

Greg Sanders

Jan 6, 2020, 8:29 PM

What’s up

 

Gwen Surman

Jan 6, 2020, 8:35 PM

Just want to say goodbye. Pancreatic cancer. Fatal

 

Greg Sanders

Jan 6, 2020, 8:40 PM

OMG!!! Really? I’m sorry. Really sorry. You want me to come up to your place?

 

Gwen Surman

Jan 8, 2020, 8:42 PM

No, I’ll come to you. Listen, don't worry about me. I’m ready to die. It’s really OK.

 

Greg Sanders

Jan 8, 2020, 8:50 PM

You sure you want to travel? Don’t feel sick?

 

Gwen Surman

Jan 9, 2020, 8:55 PM

Not really. A little pain in my back. Don’t feel much like eating and a little down most of the time. That’s why I got to get out of the house. Anyway, there are other people to see down your way.

 

When we met, she looked OK to me but definitely low-key, much different from the vibrant woman she was the last time I saw her. We hugged for maybe ten seconds, and then I said, “What can I say? I’m really sorry."

“Say whatever you want, but nothing about cancer. I’ve had enough reassuring bullshit to last me a lifetime. No, really, my best days are just OK and can’t get any better. I want to think backward - not ahead.”

Gwen handed me a small digital recorder and said, “Tell me what you remember about us - like what you would say at my funeral. Just positive stuff. Know what I mean?”

“Yeah,” I said. “Really stupid the way people wait until somebody’s dead before they say what they like about them.”

I pushed the record button and started to talk. “Let me see…Gwen and I know each other forever. She’s bright, articulate, funny, poignant, combative if she needs to be, and always honest. I loved spending time with her and her late husband. No wonder they had such a great relationship. She was always caring, affectionate, and nurturing, a really good wife.”

I talked like that for over an hour. I remembered her telling me to keep it positive, but nothing negative even came to mind.

After that, I didn’t hear much from her for almost two months until I got this message:

Gwen Surman

Mar 3, 2020, 8:49 PM

Hi Greg. Long time. Sorry. Got to go into the hospital now. I feel like shit. Changed my living will. Five years ago, I wrote that they should do whatever they can to keep me going. But now I said no food or water unless I eat or drink it by myself. And no tubes either - unless it’s morphine or like that to make me feel better. Nothing to stop me from dying. Dying is OK.

 

Greg Sanders

Mar 3, 2020, 8:52 PM

Really sad. Sorry. Is there anything you want me to do?

 

Gwen Surman

Mar 8, 2020, 2:14 PM

Sorry I didn’t get back to you. They really keep me busy here. I don’t know what you can do. Pray for me if you want. I told the priest to stay the hell out of my room. Don’t want any of that scary shit. My sins are my own business. Enough of that. Gotta go. Be well.

 

Greg Sanders

Mar 8, 2020, 2:20 PM

I’ll try to be well but it ain’t easy. Covid's the big thing here. We’re supposed to stay at home unless we have to go out which I probably do because I don’t have the kind of job I can do at home Really scary.

 

Greg Sanders

Mar 14, 2020, 2:20 PM

Hey Gwen. You OK???

 

Gwen Surman

Mar 14, 2020, 3:14 PM

Yeah I’m still the same but the hospital’s filling up. The nurses are hardly around anymore. Everybody’s running around, stressed out. Awful!!!!!

 

Greg Sanders

Mar 14, 2020, 3:19 PM

Yeah here too. People are going nuts - bored, drinking too much. There’s a lot of shit going on around here.

 

Gwen Surman

Mar 19, 2020, 6:17 PM

OMG!!!!!!!!. The hospital just said no more visitors. Nobody can come in. I can’t believe it. I don’t mind dying – ready for that - but not alone. I don’t want to die alone. Told them to put whatever tubes they need to put in me in me to keep me alive until this mess is over. Like everything else around here, my death is canceled until further notice!!!!!!